See you, J

Since I was little, small things have made me giggle. The passageways of time, your iconic wiggle never fades, as its figments are engraved in the vault of my internal space. Young little me has loved you ever since. The stars in my eyes were bright, as after school, you were the one I greeted.

As I enter adulthood, I find myself at a crossroads where the lingering flames of my passion start turning into shadows of disappearing interest. Months drifted away, and I stood upon a stopover where wondrous things occurred. One path belongs to a bus waiting for me to go forward, while the other way offers a ticket for a stay at the stopover. During my stop, college enters the scene where each chapter is a day that unfolds the story of “a day in the life of a marketing student.”  It was as if I was a bookshelf, and as days passed, I added more books. The weight was manageable, not realizing that the strain streaming was my fatigue during high school.

Within the loudness of my silence, my lingering question had an answer; I took the ticket, a choice to wait at the stopover. It was a decision as I became more conscious of my needs. Hence, I’m continuously burning my passions, never realizing that I am also burning to the ground in the passing years of exploring my adulthood. Then, a child came to me while I was at the stopover. It was a little kid holding someone with a big hand and a red coat.

“Desurv mo yarn” (You deserve it). I shake my head as I hear at the back of my seat. A cheer from my friends about the long overdue reward for the overwhelming fatigue from our academics and other endeavors. Going to a newfound Samgyupsal restaurant, buying the most wanted toy since you were a kid, traveling with friends, and other things that make you want to do or buy since you were a kid is something that heals the inner part of you. The one you dreamed of when you were a child becomes a reality now that you’re an adult.

What makes me realize is how college can define your little heart’s desires to make it into reality. It was as if we had that indebted voice calling you to know that you are still a kid. Sometimes, college isn’t even what tested us. But the reality that makes our actions and decisions tested the waters of life.

Even at college, you are the one that never fails to capture my heart. And you were there, the bee that never makes me giggle. Your wiggle is tattooed on my mind whenever I hear the song that makes the atmosphere smile. The one that heals the inner me is a mascot that, even if I’m at this age, never fails to make me smile. Something joyful comes out of me after eating one of its popular meals, spaghetti, and chicken. Hence, little things left a satisfying leap towards the finish line.

Perhaps there’s a 44% chance of boarding the bus for the next portals of life, but I’m still at the stopover, holding the ticket. The remaining percentage is the burn I had—the search for the fragments of young little me, rediscovering more of the remedies of catastrophic adulting.  

PHOTO SOURCE(s): Beatrice Eleonor C. Zepeda

LAYOUT ARTIST(s): Christian Aviv Cruz