Looking For…

I have always known what I’ve been looking for. 

When I was a kid, I was sure of the toys I wanted, the playmates I wanted to play with, and the person I wanted to become. Lately, however, it feels like I have become so lost in the hustle and bustle of life that I have started to forget what I want. After a tiring day, there’s always that feeling of looking for care and sympathy. I envy those with something or someone to go home to when their battery runs out; who knows? But I know deep inside that I feel like I am constantly yearning for something, but I cannot pinpoint what it is.

I believe that all this is a product of my present. 

Almost everything feels so rushed lately. Time seems to slip away in a blink in today’s fast-paced life, leaving us trapped in a never-ending cycle of work and obligations. Taking a break to look back now appears a privilege. It’s as if we’re living in an almost dystopian world where the relentless grind takes over, tending to our personal needs. 

Similarly, college and the gradual pace of adulting, requiring more independence than before, are undoubtedly stressful. They made me search for ways to cope and keep up with the demands of academic and personal life. I became too busy to handle my feelings and emotions—suppressing them. It surprises me sometimes to look for something or someone who can make me feel what I have failed to acknowledge.

Ironically, I started longing for care, fulfillment, love, and almost anything I could think of when I was the one who avoided them when I was “too busy” checking off my to-do lists. It leaves me questioning whether what I’m chasing is what I truly desire or if it’s just simply a fleeting distraction from my exhaustion and longing for rest. I tick off the things I have already accomplished, but it’s paradoxical to achieve something yet feel a lack of satisfaction. I look for other ways to feel those emotions as if I seek validation. 

Sometimes, amidst the fatigue and drained energy, I find myself looking for something undefined—a sense of completeness that eludes me. It became difficult to find contentment solely within myself. 

As I reflect amid the hustles of people clicking their keyboards and cars beeping, I hope we soon find what we’re genuinely looking for. In the bustling rhythm of life—amidst the daily obstacles, there exists an elusive yearning—a quiet longing that whispers in the depths of the soul, telling us to slow down, pause, reflect, and seek solace in the middle of a fast-paced life.

PHOTO SOURCE(s): Triesha Mae D. Galang

LAYOUT ARTIST(s): Christian Aviv Cruz