Are all feelings VALID?

“At the end of the day, what you do with those feelings, is when it counts merit.”

 At least one point in your life, a friend or a companion told you that “your feelings are valid”. Or maybe you have experienced being invalidated by someone. But is it true that all of our feelings are valid? 

          Before diving into the matter, what is your definition of validity? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, it is “the state of being acceptable according to the law”. Based on this definition, we cannot say if all of our feelings are valid or not. 

        In reality, the issue of validating someone’s feelings is an argument that only emerged during the years of Generation Z. If you ask your parents or grandparents, they may not be able to be on the flow. Possibly, because in these times, mental health is a predominant bone of contention. With this, most individuals are scared of accidentally invalidating a person’s feelings due to the fear of triggering their emotions. 

          It is indeed true that we commonly hear the words “your feelings are valid,” but it stops right there. Because of this, the affirmation that “all my feelings are valid, therefore I am allowed to do this” is becoming a motherhood statement in our society. Others are using the validity of their feelings to shield off their perhaps wrongdoings. It seems like they are becoming invincible, empowered to do anything like criminal acts, which defies the definition stated above, “according to the law”. 

          On the other hand, when can we say a feeling is invalidated or what entails it as an invalidation? Invalidating can be done accidentally or intentionally. Being told that “you are not allowed to feel that way” could be one such case. Those around you force you to change your feelings rather than accept or understand them just like when you are depressed, and some of your friends try to cheer you up because they are uncomfortable with how you feel. They do this not because they care, but because it makes them feel sad.

          I am not a professional, but in my sole opinion, feelings can be valid or invalid. Validity is a very subjective issue. Meanwhile, feelings are just a natural result of thoughts and senses, or just like a reflex. We must also remember the ‘react vs. respond’ precept. 

          When you accidentally touch something hot, you may quickly pull your fingers away, shout, and jump because of the pain. That is our reaction and instinctual behavior. While curing the burnt area is how we usually respond. The same goes when your boyfriend or girlfriend is jealous because you have a night-out party with your friends. It is understandable if your significant other feels that way; there might be a reason for it. But the way she responds to the feeling of being left out is what matters. We must not judge a person based on how they feel but rather on how they respond. However, we cannot simply let the pain of being burnt linger on nor let the jealousy stay within our relationships. We must acknowledge, accept, and understand those feelings because they are real. This act of not addressing issues is where invalidation lies; the feelings of being ignored and set aside. 

          Going back to the main question, some may say, “yes, all of our feelings are valid,” or “no, they are not,” and others might say “yes, but….” Any answers possible will always have a trace of personal judgment and historical encounters, making it very subjective. At the end of the day, what you do with those feelings, is when it counts merit. All feelings may be valid, but the actions you take to deal with those are what actually matters. 

LAYOUT BY: Sigrid Deryll Q. Dy