Modern daters ask: Who should pay for the first date?

“Sana all may date na muna.” 

This is how some individuals jokingly reacted to the topic of “Who should pay for the first date?” which is continuously conquering social media. The discussion sparked and circulated on TikTok when a content creator stated on his video last July 11 that it must be a “Kanya-kanyang bayad” or “KKB”.

Although the video has now been taken down, the controversy immediately sparked debate and criticism. Many people, even famous influencers, such as Mike Balolong, Julia Barretto, and Marco Gumabao presented their views about the said video. As this subject triggers people’s curiosity and as we present side-by-side perspectives, will there be a specific answer to it?

The early days of dating in the Philippines 

The Philippines is a conservative country, particularly when it comes to dating practices. Men are expected to make the first move and never the woman. He should also nervously ask for permission from the woman’s parents before starting a relationship with her. One common way is to do “Harana” or a form of courtship where a man sings outside the window of the house of the woman he intends to date. If China has a Great Wall of China, so do Filipino parents when it comes to dating their child, especially if she is a woman. Physical intimacy is permitted only when officially married due to religious concerns. The man must bring home the woman before the darkness surrounds the sky as a gentleman’s gesture.

This is where the idea that men should pay for the first date came from. 

The evolution of dating practices in modern times

Years have passed, and society has taken a long road toward acceptance of the one thing constant in this world – change. This generation is different from the past generations by being more unrestricted. Although we cannot completely say that we have defeated gender discrimination, we can, however, say that gender equality is finally a work in progress. In the past, women were not given enough rights and freedom. Discrimination, especially in workplaces, was rampant. But today, they are also given opportunities to grow as individuals, not only men. When talking about leadership and societal roles, women are becoming more involved.

With that said, early dating practices are also subject to change. While some women like their date to pay the bill as it makes them feel special and cherished, some also find it uncomfortable to let the man pay for everything. Hence, there are women today who are comfortable with insisting on paying at least for their dessert or anything after the meal. 

The magic of first dates

But why is the first date a big deal? We go on a date, searching for someone to whom we can entrust our hearts, and the first date is something that most people are excited about. Some of us have certainly daydreamed about going on a date, especially if you likewise enjoy reading or watching romantic novels and films. The way you prepare for it, especially if you are a girl, the butterflies on your stomach as you imagine what the date would be, and as your skin touches for a split second. Suddenly, you feel like you are on cloud nine. The first date helps us determine if there could be a reason to meet again and build a potential relationship together in the long run. 

It is understandable for both sides to insist on paying the bill during the first date, especially if both sides are financially stable. However, it is crucial to first have a clear and mutual understanding of the situation regarding who should shoulder the bill to avoid offending one another. 

The journey of possibility

Finally, the feeling of being on cloud nine continues as your heart flutters and your eyes twinkle from happiness when you hear the woman agrees to go on for a second date. Those butterflies on the stomach should continue to fly as you get to know one another along the way. After all, the second one and even the following dates should have no difference from the first date. Therefore, paying for the next dates could still be either the man, woman or both. 

This topic truly tackles not only the issue with modern dating; but also gender diversity and the level of privilege a person has to be capable of dating. Paying for the first date could be shouldered by a man or a woman. At the end of the day, it does not matter who paid the bill; what matters is that you both clicked, and they treat you the way you deserve.